Living With Leaders
by Renym
Summary: When the Tallest's old advisor, Rarl Kove, gets stuck in a mysterious accident, a former slave driver name Renym comes to replace him. This story is not meant to be serious. Rated T cuz of adult themes. No romances intended.
1. The New Girl

**Chapter 1**

**The New Girl**

Renym sighed as she walked toward the main chamber. She stopped at a

towering door, then nervously looked down at her newly placed PAK,

which was now on her stomach rather than her back. She took a deep

breath and entered. Immediately, heads turned and eyes looked her way.

She held her breath when she saw the Tallest staring at her. Purple

blinked with a blank expression on his face. After a moment, Red

approached her warily.

"Who is this?" he queried.

"I-I'm the new advisor," Renym squeaked.

Purple floated behind Red, dropping his bag of donuts. "What's your name?"

She gulped, unable to speak clearly. "Er... R-Renym, My Tallest."

"Oh. The replacement. Of course." Red whisked away carelessly.

Purple blinked at the inferior Irken, lips pursed. He looked at Renym,

down to his bag of donuts, then back up at her. Renym stood there for

a while, unsure what to do. She huffed, understanding the hint.

Renym bent over and picked up the bag of the donuts, handing them

to Purple with big eyes. Purple briefly nodded and floated away, while

devouring two donuts at a time.

The room was complete, udder silence, except for Purple joyfully

drooling over his donuts. Navigators conversed amongst themselves,

lowly laughing underneath their scarfs. Renym sighed, bored with her

new job already.

She glance over to see Red sneakily snatching a donut from the bag

Purple was cradling. Purple saw the evil act and pure fury blazed in

his eyes. "HEY!" he screeched. "That donut you have is MINE!"

Red chuckled and took a bite out of the delicious-looking snack.

"Not anymore," he said with a grin.

"You jerk," Purple spat. Red laughed uncontrollably, crumbs flying

out of his mouth. "You owe me another donut."

He immediately stopped laughed, and stared menacingly at his fellow

leader. "What? No I don't!"

Purple stood on the tip of his feet, attempting to make himself

taller. "Yes, you DO!"

"No, I DONT!"

"Yes, you DO!"

"No, I DONT!"

"YESYOUDO!"

"DONT!"

"DO!"

"_DOOONT!_"

"Waaahhgg!" Purple glared at Red, who was now fuming mad. "Get

that _Renym_ girl over here," he muttered.

Renym skipped over. This is what I advise them for? She thought. A

fight over a donut?

"I think her name is Renymph," Red pointed out.

"No, it's Renym," Purple replied tersely.

"I'm pretty sure it's Renymph."

"Its Renym, trust me."

"I was listening. It was Renymph."

"Nooo, Renym!"

"Renymph!"

"RENYM!"

"MFFFF!"

"MMMMM!"

Renym's eye twitched. "SHUT. UP."

Red crossed his arms and stared accusingly down at his advisor.

"Thats no way to talk to your leaders."

Renym balled up her fist. "My name is Renym. Renym. NOT Renymph. Renym."

"HA!" Purple grinned for his victory. "Toldja."

"Shut up!" Red took another bite out of the stolen donut.

Purple crossed his arms and smiled. "I thought that was 'No way to

talk to your leaders.'"

Red frowned, crumbs littered on his cheeks. "Technically, yew

aren't mah leadah. Wer ekwal."

Purple ignored him and turned to Renym. "HE. Owes. ME. ANOTHER

_DONUUUUT!"_ He seethed with anger, gritting his teeth together.

"Well, he did steal it from you," Renym said. "So it is kinda his.

Finders keepers and all that stuff."

"HA!" Red pointed at Purple, spraying crumbs at him.

"But you did lose your donut, and rightfully deserve another, My Tallest."

"DOUBLE HA!" Purple laughed maniacally at Red, bragging. "IN YOUR

FACE! HA, HA, HAAA! GET ME MY DONUT!"

"WAIT!" Renym interrupted Purple's joyous ranting. "He's eating!

He shouldn't go get another donut for you. He wants to eat in a

semi-peaceful environment, right?"

Red grinned, mouth full, and nodded. "Mmmhmph."

Renym drifted over to a nearby Navigator who looked a little TOO

busy. "YOU!"

The Navigator glanced around, then pointed at himself. "Me?"

"No, the giant flying cookie dressed as a Santa Moose behind you."

"Oh, okay. I thought you were talking to me..."

"Go get a donut for the Tallest!"

The Navigator went back to work busily. Renym rolled her eyes and

grabbed the Navigator by his shirt. "How dumb ARE you?"

Purple and Red exchanged a glance, eyes wide. The Navigator looked

up at Renym, terrified. "Not very... I think."

Renym narrowed her eyes and pulled the navigator closer. "Now go

get The Tallest a DONUT."

"But Im so-"

"I don't CARE how busy you are. Just get a donut or I'll lay eggs

in your stomach," Renym said through gritted teeth.

"Yes ma'am!" Renym let the puny navigator go and he scurried off,

screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Hehehehehe," Red chuckled.

"That Renymph girl almost killed that guy of FRIGHT!" Purple

squealed. "Thats so COOL!"

Red and Purple chatted amongst themselves, changing the subject and

ditching Renym. She pursed her lips and walked off, leaning against a

darkly painted wall. _Huh, _she thought. _That was kinda fun. Maybe_

_this job won't be so bad... I only wonder what bad thing happened_

_to Rarl Kove that made him need a replacement... And that made ME_

_have to abandon my old job... _Suddenly, she heard screams coming

from the middle of the room.

"It was SIX months ago!"

"No, it was SEVEN!"

"SIX!"

"SEVEN!"

"ITWASSIIIIXXX!""

"SEEEVEEEEEEEN!"

"This is NOT a semi-peaceful environment!" Red pouted.

**A/N: I'm warning you RIGHT NOW that this story will be VERY weird as it goes on. Just wait till Chapter 5. You'll see. YOU'LL ALL SEE!**


	2. Probing Day Wasn't Fun Anyways

**A/N: Sorry. This chapter's a little long and boring, but it's neccessary for the plotline. The next chapter will be funny. I PROMISE. Seriously, I would take this chapter out, but I can't, otherwise one of the later chapters won't make any sense. Icentered this because, as you can tell, this site wasnt taking my indents for some weird reason. Sowee. DX**

Chapter 2

Probing Day Wasnt Fun Anyways

Renym's eyes grew wide as she watched Red and Purple plummel Invaders on screen. She had to admit, it was quite funny. They laughed maniacally, beating up any Irken they got the chance to. Renym's antennae twitched as they giggled and shoved in the popcorn while Invader Tenn threw on a puppet show.

Then, they went onto Invader Skoo, who got the plummeling of a lifetime. The Tallest cracked up, Purple almost falling backwards. Renym cringed, happy she wasn't an Invader anymore.

Purple screeched with laughter. "I LOVE PROBING DAY!"

Red bent over double, gasping for air as Skoo screamed bloody murder. "Me too! Meeeetoo!"

Renym twiddled her bare fingers, enjoying the Tallest's phsycotic laughter, but not so much the painfully doomed screams of the victim. Suddenly, Red yelled, "Renymph! Get us more popcorn! We're about to call Zim!"

As Renym walked over to threathen another busy Navigator, she could hear Purple saying, "Her name is RENYM." He moved his hands up and down. "REN. NIM."

"Whatever," Red replied carelessly.

Renym approached the nearest Navigator, who immediatly rose from his seat in pure terror. "WHAT DO YO WANT FROM ME?" he screeched.

"Popcorn. Go. Now." She pointed sternly to the door then, as the green-eyed Navigator screamed away, she reported back to the Tallest. "My Tallest, a Navigator is fetching you more popcorn right now."

"You scared ANOTHER one?" Red said, surprised.

"Youre goood," Purple complimented. Renym smiled and walked back to her spot, leaning against the wall. Purple was whispering to Red, "I want more puppets."

Renym sighed. She loved her new job. There was hardly anything better than this. Just hang out, bully some Navigators...

She was proud to say she knew the Tallest personally. She had always looked up to them as a younger Irken. Sure, they were nothing more than snack-craving leaders who bathed in power, but they were still pretty cool. They were the Tallest.

And Navigators... Oh, they were so fun to push around. And the faces of the Tallest afterwards made it twice as better. Navigators are geniuses generally, but stupid cowards at the same time. Renym smiled as she remembered the terrified screams of the Navigators she had scared into doing her work for her.

Suddenly, she heard a panting noise slowly getting closer and closer to her. It was the scared green-eyed Navigator, his puny arms full with 3 bags of popcorn, the most he could carry. Renym narrowed her eyes and grinned evilly, scaring the Navigator away with a satisfying squeak.

She brought the bags over to the Tallest, who were chatting while they waited for their popcorn. "One for you," she said, setting a bag in Red's lap. "One for-"

"OOH! DO I GET TWO?" Purple squealed excitedly.

"Um... no... Here's yours." With pursed lips, she set a bag in Purple's lap. "I was thinking maybe you two could split this or something..."

"Ooohh... Yeaaahh!" Purple replied all gooey.

"No, we should let the little advise... Advise... Advisingor-whatever-worm have it."

"Renym. Her name is Renym," Purple pointed out.

"Really? I can have it?" Renym's eyes grew wide.

"Go ahead! You deserve it!" Purple said joyfully.

"Oh, so NOW you want the worm to have it," Red mumbled.

"Her name is RENYM."

"Yeah, I'd rather not be called a worm, thanks," Renym said, frowning.

"Youre a feisty one, aren't you? Not much respect for you leaders," Red retorted, annoyed.

"What did I say?" Renym blinked and ate some popcorn.

"Just leave us alone. We must call ZIM." Red said Zim's name in such a hateful manner that it made Renym shudder.

Purple's gaze followed Renym as she left, a silent apology drifting in his eyes. She nodded and his eyes turned back to the screen in a hurry.

"OH, MY EYES!" Purple screamed at the top of his lungs. "WHAT IS THAT?"

Red's jaw had dropped. Renym's curiousity took over and she just had to skip over to the screen to look.

A small green... Thing... Was digging through a flat brown box, covered in sticky, stretchy cheese. In fact, the whole room was covered in the cheese. The creature smacked it's lips, screeching, "PIIIIZZZAAA!"

Renym could hear Zim's voice in the background, shouting, "GIR! IT'S PROBING DAY! COME OVER HERE AND WATCH MY LATEST PLAN WHILE I-" Zim walked on screen, and he began screaming at the top of his lungs. "GIR! GIR! AGGHHKKK! WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"I DECORATED!" GIR smiled and stuck out his tongue.

Zim suddenly saw The Tallest on screen, watching in amazement . "My-My Tallest! Excuse GIR's... Mess. He's a little... Well... Stupid." He coughed.

The two leaders were speechless, so Zim continued. "I have a new plan that will blow you away..."

While Zim explained his endless plan, Purple tapped Renym on the shoulder. Renym nodded, jumped in front of the screen, and screamed, "SORRY ZIM! You bore the Tallest because you have no puppets. ENJOY YOUR PUMMELING!" Renym pressed the "pummel" button and desperately signaled to a Navigator to sign off.

Purple sighed. "Man, you can never get RID of that guy."

Red's right eye and antenna twitched. "What the Irk was he TALKING about? I couldn't hear over all that... Revolting smacking!"

"Am I dismissed?" Renym threw some popcorn in her mouth.

"Yeah, whatever," Red replied absent-mindedly. Renym stepped backwards, giving the Tallest some room to think.

Purple frowned and shoved in the popcorn. After a couple of bites, he asked, "When are we gonna kill him?"

Red blinked and crossed his arms. "I dunno, Purple, I dunno." He started taking in popcorn, too. All three Irkens ate their popcorn with a looming sense of worry, all deep in thought.

_Maybe Purple is right. Maybe... Maybe we should get rid of Zim soon,_ Red pondered._Oh, but how I do love torturing him..._

_Hmm... Red and Purple are going to ask for my advice any time now... Probably about what to do with Zim... _Renym gritted her teeth, ready to scream after moments of thought. _They want him dead, but also like to torture him... Aaaaghhh! What should I say? WHAT SHOULD I SAY?_

_Wow... This popcorn is good! _Purple smiled and licked his lips, then caught himself and began frowning again._Wait... What about... What about that Renym girl? **OH MY GOSH** THAT PEICE WAS SO BUTTERY!_

Purple began heavily devouring his popcorn, breaking the silence. Red and Renym stared at him in disbelief. He looked up at Red. "This is delicious popcorn," he said with a grin.

Red smacked his forehead. "Wow... Just... Wow."

Renym stepped forward again. "Excuse, My Tallest?"

"Wuts wong, Whenim?" Purple said with a mouthful of popcorn.

"About the Zim thing..." Renym bit her lip, nervous about disappointing the Tallest. Well, if they didn't like her advice, the worst that could happen was that they wouldn't take it...

Or they could just throw her out the airlock.

"I think you should keep him alive. But make his life miserable. MISERABLE, I SAY!"

Red and Purple exchanged a glance and nodded. Renym continued. "You should pretend to help him, but actually just make him wish he had never been born."

"Thats a little harsh, don't you think?" Purple said.

"Yeah." Red blinked.

"Its not as bad as it sounds, I assure you." Renym tried to help her case.

She didn't want to go to the dungeons.

"Oh. Okay," Purple shoved in another handful of popcorn happily.

Red put on an evil smile. "Lets send him a little *present.*"

"As your advisor, I say you should send him an automatic pummeling machine that follows him everywhere."

"That... That's genius," Purple said, now with an evil smile of his own.

"SOMEBODY! SEND ZIM A PUMMEL-WHATEVER-MACHINE!" Red ordered.

"Oo! OOO!"

"What, Purple?"

"What if we... What if we called him first and told him we... Omnomfffnomff... An tuld him wer weewerdin him wif a shuper wheppin?" Purple blinked as him swallowed him popcorn.

"BRILLIANT!" Red screeched. "That just might be the smartest thing you've said all week."

Purple smiled. "CALL ZIM!" he commanded to the Navigators.

Renym quickly hopped out of sight, making sure she wouldn't be seen by Zim on camera. Renym watched as the screen cleared, revealed Zim still being tortured by hammers. His screams were almost unbearable to hear, but they were still hilarious. Not anywhere near as bad as Skoo's.

Purple quickly pressed the pummel button again, stopping the hammers. Zim stood up wearily and looked like he was about to faint.

"ZIM!" Red shouted.

"Y-yes, My T-T-Tallest?"

"Zim, our advisor here accidently pressed the pummel button when we were quite... Enjoying..." Purple grit his teeth together at what he was saying. "Your plan."

Renym stiffened when Purple mentioned her. Red continued off of Purple's lie. "Yes, and to apologize, we are sending you the third most powerful weapon we have to offer."

Purple lightly jabbed Red's side. "Why third?" he whispered.

Red jabbed Purple back, harder, making him double over in pain. "AGH! MAH SQUEEDLYSPOOCH!" Purple yelped.

Red covered up the gesture. "HEY! WHO THREW THAT ROCK AT PURPLE? Haha, anywaaays..."

Zim jumped with joy. "Thank you, My Tallest! I will use this WEAPOOON to my advantage!"

"Good Zim, good. It's being sent over right away. Now don't bother us. We have... Tall... Stuff to do." Red quickly gestured for the Navigators to sign off.

The screen went black and Red burst out into laughter. Purple moaned in pain and rolled on his side, grabbing his squeedlyspooch. Red stopped laughing and frowned, looking down at his fellow leader. "Somebody help Purple," he demanded.

Renym walked over to Purple and tried helping him up. She wasn't very successful. "My Taaallest, get uuup!"

She rolled him on his back and pushed behind his head, trying to get him to sit up. He just slumped back down and fell over in pain, nearly crushing the smaller Irken. "Dammit," she cursed under her breath.

"Why can't YOU help?" she asked Red.

"I can't bend over in this uniform," Red lied. "Its too tight."

"Well then how did HE manage to bend over in PAIN when you ELBOWED him?"

"It probably caused him a lot of pain," Red retorted.

"You _lie_," Purple said hoarsly.

Renym sighed and pushed up on Purple's back, using the floor as her aid. "Cant you just... Get up?"

"AHHHK!" Purple screeched and went limp again.

Renym gave up for a moment and looked around at te Navigators. She spotted a big, burly one and approached him.

"H-HEY!" Purple called. "Where are... Ah.. Ahk... You... Ak... Going?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" the Navigator shouted in a deep, husky voice.

"Just help me get Tallest Purple up," she asked kindly.

"Oh... Okay." The Navigator and Renym walked back over to Red and Purple.

Red was barely holding in his snickers while Purple moaned in pure misery. "Youre like a little crying smeet," Red sneered.

"Okay, let's get him up," Renym said with a huff. They both pushed on their leader's back, finally getting him to sit up. Red blinked in amazement and gave Purple a hand.

"I don't NEED your help, Red," Purple grunted angrily. "I can get up myself."

Purple took his hands off his stomach-area and hauled himself up slowly.

As soon as he saw Purple up and somewhat healthy-looking, the Navigator ran back to his position. Renym laughed and wished she could take a picture of his face.

"Sorry Purple," Red apologized.

"Thats wonderful." Purple frowned.

"BUT OMG YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE!"

Purple's fingers curled over in fury, looking like they REALLY wanted to punch something. Renym stepped back, letting them deal with their own problem.

Suddenly, Purple retched. His balled up hand found it's way back to his spooch. Purple's eyes grew wide and he screeched in pain, running to wherever his legs took him, his face turning a pale minty green. Red and Renym simultaniously took a couple steps backwards as Purple gagged.

"Oh jeez... BLEEECCCK... RE-E-ED!... B-b-BLEEEHHG... YOU BROKE... BLEEECCHH... MY SPOOCH!"


	3. You Don't Wanna Know

**AUTHORS NOTE: This story is not a RaPR whatever...BUT! If your horrible imagination perfers it, you can twist around my genius words so that Red and Purple are "TOTALLY" together. But that's only if you would like it.**

**Another thing, these stories are made for people like me who crave more of the Tallest. Cuz the Tallest are the bomb diggety (that's right, I said it). Also, I'd like to change things up and do a FF from the point of veiw of a regular Irken, NOT another now common Invader. Seriously, this "I'm an Invader like every other IZ fan" thing is old. There are other Irkens, too! *cries* So Renym is a regular, non-Invader Irken. No more, no less.**

**Thanks to The Amazing Invader Zim Site, , for their list of all the foods mentioned in IZ. They helped me picked a really WEIRD food for the first part of this chapter.**

Chapter 3

You Dont Wanna Know

Renym sat in her usual corner, chewing happily on a straw, (straws are surprisingly delicious.) while she watched with great interest at whatever the hell it was that Purple and Red were doing.

Purple wore a wavy black wig and held a stick with a moustache drawn on it to his face. He snickered playfully at Red's costume.

Red had somehow gotten his antennae to go curly, and he had drawn exaggerated eyelashes on his eyes with a Sharpie. You don't wanna KNOW what he had stuffed into the old dress he wore to make himself look like a female.

While Red wore a dress, Purple somehow managed to squeeze himself into a delivery-man type uniform. Renym laughed at what they were about to do.

"Ms... Er...Erm... YES! Ms. Erm," Purple said with a deeper-than normal voice.

"We should go tell The Lord of Fast Food that his order is READY, Mr... Cornfinger!" Red said in a frighteningly high voice. Almost as high as Snow White's singing. And that's pretty freaking high.

"Ehhem, give Sizz-lor a call!" Purple ordered the Navigators.

The screen cleared up to show Sizz-lor, looking as greasy as usual. "Um... Hello?"

"Hello," Mr. Cornfinger greeted as deeply as he possibly could.

"Me and Mr. Cornfinger here are the managers of... Mooshminkys Incorporated! Yeah!" Red, as Ms. Erm, seemed very unsure about what he was saying.

"Um... Okay?" Sizz-lor curiously raised an eyebrow and "Ms. Erm" chuckled.

"We would like to tell you that your order of 7,000 deep-fried mooshminkys is ready to be delievered," Mr. Cornfinger chuckled.

"I didn't order any-"

_"FIRE THE MOOSHMINKYS!"_

All of a sudden, an enormous pile of mooshminkys fell from the sky onto Sizz-lor. Red, Purple, and Renym cracked up, as well as a couple of the ever-so-quiet Navigators. Sizz-lor attempted to talk, but underneath the mooshminkys, it only sounded like a muffled groan.

They quickly signed off, roaring with laughter. Renym chuckled under her breath. She would never understood the reasons behind The Tallest's antics.

Purple threw off his wig and cracked the moustache-stick under his foot, still laughing. Red rubbed off the Sharpie and straightened out his antennae with the pressurized stroke of his hand.

When they started to strip off their costumes, Renym gasped and looked away. But out of the corner of her eye, she saw that the disguises were worn OVER their uniforms. She sighed and looked back to them. She gasped again when she saw what had fallen out of Red's dress.

_Are those... Ew. _Renym's face twisted up._ Why would he stuff THOSE in his dress?_

Red and Purple sat back down in their chairs, picking up the sodas that Renym had placed for them there earlier. They joyfully sipped them, now laughing in their regular voices.

A couple Navigators picked up the littered costumes off the floor and threw away the splintered mustache-stick. Renym's eye twitched uncomfortably as the scrawny green-eyed Navigator picked up Red's boob stuffing.

**END AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Did I worry you when I made Red and Purple take off their clothes? I hope I did. It almost worried ME a little. ME!**

**And yes, deep fried mooshminky is an actual Irken food. See "The Frylord blahblahblah Space" episode. One of the costumers say it. I promise my squeedlyspooch on it.**

**Or you could just visit the food list on that website I told you about earlier.**


	4. Sickeningly Adorable With a Hint of

Chapter 4

Sickeningly Adorable With a Hint of Annoying

"WHAT THE HELL IS _THAT_?" Purple screamed in pure terror.

"Calm down, My Tallest, it's just a-"

"WHAT IS IT? WHAT _IS_ IT?"

"Its just a-"

"ZO EM GEE! DOUBLE-YEW TEE EFF!"

"ITS JUST A BAG OF EXPIRED CHIPS."

Purple calmed down a little. But only so. "Is it... Is it... Is it ROTTEN?"

Renym frowned. "Yes, My Tallest, it is rotten. Hence the word EXPIRED."

"Oh. Okay." He blinked and sipped his soda.

"Why did Red leave me with you again? Did Rarl Kove have to 'babysit' too?"

Purple gasped. "Dont. Say. That. Name."

"Which one?" Renym looked puzzled. "Red or-"

"_BOTH_."

Renym's antenna twitched in annoyance. "Okaay... Why can't I call Red by his name?"

"I dunno. You just can't, okay?"

"THEN WHY IN THE NAME OF IRK DO I HAVE TO WATCH YOU?" Purple was really starting to get on Renym's nerves, which was very surprising since she had gotten pretty used to Purple. Not so much with the Navigators, though. Sometimes, Renym thought she would never get used to some of those Irkens.

"I dunno. Red thinks I'm dumb," Purple said, with a tear slowly forming in the pit of his eye.

Renym's expression softened. "He doesn't think you're dumb."

"How do you know?"

"Because you're NOT dumb."

Purple blinked. "Oh, um... Okay... Am I smart?"

"Okay, now I wouldn't go THAT far," Renym chuckled.

"I want some more- HOLY SHIT!"

Renym looked up at her leader in confusement. "Excuse me?"

Purple pointed behind her in horror. His finger shook and his eyes were wide. "Its... It's... It's..."

Renym whipped herself around, then jumped back in surprise at what she saw. "What the HELL?"

Standing at the entrance of the room was a small, sickeningly adorable Irken smeet. Her fist was in her mouth, causing drool to form at the surface. Her big, bubbly, bright red eyes stared foward at Purple and Renym. She had antennae that went straight down in three curly spirals, kind of like a spring from a mattress or a stretched out Slinky.

Purple's finger still shook. Renym was pretty shocked herself. "ITS A SMEET!" Purple shouted as if he were being raped.

The smeet walked over to the two Irkens, her little curls bouncing along the way. She looked up and Renym, then even more up at Purple. Her head tilted back so much that Renym was afraid she'd fall backwards.

Renym was insanely confused. She didn't know what the hell a SMEET was doing here, how it GOT here, or who had SENT it here. Or maybe NOBODY sent it. Maybe it escaped from wherever it came from. She wanted ask the smeet so many questions, but she was afraid she might overwhelm the poor thing. She decided to start with something simple.

"Hello, there. What your name?"

The little female looked back to Renym, staring at her with big eyes. She slowly pulled her fist out of her mouth, making a disgusting "POP!". The smeet was silent for a while.

Renym eagerly waited for an answer, but none came. The smeet just stuck the fist back into her mouth and sucked on it some more.

Purple blinked once, slowly. "I don't think she can-"

"MAHNAMEIS_FEECH_!"

The two taller Irkens jumped back in surprise. "F-F-F-Feech?" Renym stuttered.

Feech put her hands on her hips. "I didn't stutter," she said all salty and adorable.

Purple and Renym exchanged a glance while Feech shoved her fist back into her mouth and drooled some more. "What do we do with it?" Purple whispered.

"Get it OUT before Red comes back!" Renym hissed.

Purple nodded vigorously and started to herd the smeet toward the door.

Pop! "HEY! STOP! _STOOOP_!" Feech screamed.

"Come on, sweetie, you have to- OWCH!" Renym jumped backwards. "She just BIT me!"

And to make it worse, the little smeet started to sing the Nyan Cat song. "WAHHH! THE PAIN! THE PAIIIN!"

"Oh, shut up Purple. YOU didn't get BITTEN by that... That... BEAST!"

"Nya Nya Nya Nya Nya Nya Nya Nya Nya Nya Nya Nya!"

"MY EARS!"

"MY HEAD!"

"NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA!"

"WAHHHH!" Purple and Renym screeched.

Feech ran around them in circles, singing the arguably most godly yet annoying song ever.

Purple stopped dead in his tracks for a second. "Wait. She bit your HEAD?"

Renym frowned. "Yeah, she just wrapped her little jaw around my forehead..."

"Oh. WAAHHHHHH!"

"Nya Nya Nya Nya Nya Nya Nya..."

"GETHER_OUT_OFHERE!"

The two Irkens shoved the singing monstrosity out the door, into the hallway. It fought, but not hard enough. Purple and Renym quickly ran back inside and slammed the door shut locking it immediatly.

"Hey. It wasn't locked!" Purple shouted accusingly to the Navigators. They all shrugged. Except for one, who was shaking as she worked. Purple saw the outsider. "Throw HER out the airlock!"

"NOO!" The blue-eyed Navigator shook her hands as two Irkens dragged her away. "NOOO! I HAVE... I HAVE A..." Her body suddenly went limp and she let the Irkens drag her to her doom. "Never mind... I have nothing..."

Renym and Purple felt a sudden pounding on the door. "EEK! It's the little devil!" Renym shouted a little loudly.

"KEEP THE DOOR SHUT!" Purple screamed with a hint of horror in his voice.

"Purple, it's locked," Renym said.

"DONTCALLMETHAT!"

"What the hell is going on in there?"

Renym and Purple exchanged a relieved look and unlocked the door. Red burst in with a weirded-out look on his face. "Jeez," he said. "I'm not a little devil. A big one, maybe. But not LITTLE."

"Sorry. We thought you were some one else," Purple replied with a sigh.

Right when Purple said that, an image of Feech flashed in Renym's head. Feech was somewhere else though... Somewhere that look very familiar to Renym... But right when Renym was about to put her claw on it, the picture faded away. "Dang it," she muttered and walked back to her corner, picking up a straw on the way.

**AUTHORS NOTE: There is NO romance between Purple and Renym in this chapter. So don't go all pissy on me and get your underwear tied in a knot saying I'm a Mary Sue or whatever. Two Irkens of the opposite gender can have a nice day together and still be friends. That sounded like a lie, but it wasn't. I'm sure all you girls out there have "guy friends" and all you guys have "friends that are girls." I do (the former). So DEAL WITH IT.**

**But if your imagination allows it, go ahead and make a RaPR(Renym and Purple Romance). Romance cravers can go ahead and make all the pairings they would like.**

**Take your time reading this story. Read it over time like any other book. This story might be going on for a while, due to my love of writing. XD**


	5. Unfortunately, They Found Them

**A/N:**

**Just a few things I thought I'd let you know: Coca-Cola is called such name because the old recipe contained cocaine. COCAine COLA, yes? Another Coke fact. Santa Clause was green and white before Coca-Cola was invented.**

**True Chiz.**

**Santa is a verrry illegal man. You know he doesn't even have an exotic animal license and he owns reindeer? That bad, baad man. He's a very bad role model to children.**

**And isn't it against the law to pay your workers less than minimum wage? THOSE POOR ABUSED ELVES!**

**Dammit, Im getting off topic.**

**All characters except Renym belong to Jhnen Vasquez. I love spelling his name like that. X3**

**Coca-Cola belongs to... Well, The Coca-Cola Company. o3o**

**Santa belongs to no one. Congrats to you, Santa. No one loves you, you cocaine-addicted bitch.**

**Anways, enjoy my funniest chapter yet. It's... Oddlynessiestyness... might shock you a little. So be prepared. Be prepared for the Oddlynessiestyness.**

**Wow, I write long Author's Notes. Anybody got a therapist for that?**

Chapter 5

Unfortunately, They Found Them

"WHEEEHEEHEEHEE!" Purple squealed with glee.

"OO! MY TURN, MY TURN!" Red playfully shoved Purple off the ride and put in fake monies. The mini, plastic Massive rocked every which way, throwing Red around against his will.

Renym threw her head back and laughed. She didn't know what the Irk was wrong with these two, but it sure was freaking funny.

Purple and Red giggled together. The Navigators looked a little worried and actually looked up fom their work to check and make sure that the Tallest weren't high on crack again. Well, there were no drugs around, other than Purple's ADHD meds, so they went back to work.

Renym spotted a straw sitting on the other side of the room. She perked up and mused to herself, "Awww, look at that lonely straw, just begging to be chewed on..." She skipped over to the measly plastic tube. She didn't CARE if it was used; Renym was just in DESPERATE need of a straw.

She picked it up, ignoring the fun-filled screams of Red and Purple. A fraction of a second later, the straw screamed protest as it crunched beneath Renym's teeth. She gagged a little when some old soda flowed out of the straw. It did NOT taste pleasant. Who knows how old that soda was?

Renym closed her eyes a bit longer than a standard blink, scrunching up her face in disgust. She walked back to her corner, feeling somewhat more satisfied.

Then she saw the cans. The RED and WHITE cans. Ooh, those cans... They looked so familiar. But harmless otherwise. She ignored it and went back to chewing her straw.

Suddenly, a very odd noise emitted from Red and made Renym jump a little. It was the sort of sound that was kind of like the mix between an excited squeal and a seductive grunt.

It worried Renym just a little. Just a LITTLE. A very, very, VERY small amount. You hear me? Very.

She looked over to Red, who had fallen flat on his face and was giggling uncontrollably to the floor. Purple started crying and screaming at the top of his lungs, "REEED! DON'T DIE ON MEEE! Wahahahahah... WAAAAHH!"

Renym walked reluctantly over to her two leaders, a little scared for them. "Are you two okay?"

"Heeheeheeteeheehee..." Red's giggles were muffled by the floor.

"RENYM! RED FELL ON HIS FACE AND NOW HES GONNA DIE-HIE-HIIIIE!" Tears rolled down Purple's cheeks.

"Purple, it's gonna be-"

"REEEED! DON'T DIE! KEEP BREATHING!"

"TeeheeheeHEEEEEE! I love you, floor."

Renym's eyes got wider, if that was possible. There was something seriously wrong here. More wrong than a giant floating pineapple pizza dressed as a green Santa that is a Justin Beiber fan.

Well, maybe not as wrong as that. Not many things are as wrong as a BeiberFever-induced pineapple pizza.

Purple suddenly stopped crying and was now SITTING on Red's back. Red, squished under the weight of Purple, choked on the air he wasn't getting. Purple sang with delight. "You make a pretty couch, Red."

"PURPLE! Get off Red!" Renym screeched.

"Okay," Purple said with a smile and got up. Red got up too, then randomly crouched down to punch Purple's leg.

"OWCHY!"

"K, that was pretty jacked up," Renym commented. "But if you were gonna hurt him so low, why didn't you just kick-"

"OWCH!" Purple screamed again, even though Red hadn't touched him again.

"SHUT UP YOU IDIOTIC BUTT-BRAIN!" Red yelled.

All of a sudden, Purple fell backwards. He shouted curses, but simply laid there on his back and made absolutely no attempt to get back up.

Red stared at Purple for a while, then purposely fell backwards to join Purple. Red moved his arms and legs, shouting, "IMMA SNOW ANGEL!"

Renym backed up. She did so just enough to trip over a can. A red and white one. Oh, that can... So... So... So FAMILIAR. She picked it up, reading the unusually curly Irken writing.

_Coca-Cola! _Renym staggered backwards a little._ This can't be new... The design is so old..._

Then it all came to her. _CRAP! It IS the old design!_

She dropped the can and ran to her leaders again. "You freaking _IDIOTS!"_ Renym shouted.

Red and Purple's glazed over eyes grew wide and bubbly, as they realized they were in trouble. "Please don't send me to my room, mommy," Red pleaded.

"You two are... You two are... So... HIGH." Renym gritted her teeth together. She knew that any normal Irken would never dare to get angry at The Tallest, IN FRONT OF THE TALLEST, but Renym didn't consider herself a normal Irken. And as their advisor, it was kind of her job to... Advise... So she was INCREDIBLY angry at herself for letting them get away with this.

"I want some SUGAAAR!" Purple screamed. He may have been trying to change the subject, or he was just really REALLY REEAALLYYY cocaine high.

Probably the latter.

Renym sighed in frustration. "You two need to get a hold of yourself. NOW."

They both took one hand and grabbed themselves on the chest.

Renym did a facepalm. "Not like that," she groaned. "You guys are freekin HIGH."

"Well, duh, we're in SPACE," Purple pointed out.

"He's got a POINT there!" Red squealed.

Renym took deep breaths and rubbed her temples. "I bet Rarl Kove didn't have to deal with this crap...," she muttered under her breath. "Renym just HAS to BABYSIT The TALLEST, and make sure they don't get high off freaking stolen soda..."

She stomped over to the cans in a cuboard she had seen earlier. She grabbed two cans and marched back to The Tallest. Their eyes grew wide and they reached in excitement, desperate to get their delicious cocaine-filled treats.

"No." Renym put on a stern face. "These are bad."

"YAHAHAHAHAHA! SUGAAAAR!" Purple screamed some more.

"GIVE US THE YUMMIES!" Red squealed some more.

"No, these go out the airlock." Renym walked calmly to the airlock and threw the sodas out. Purple and Red weeped heavily as they were sucked into space.

"DONT FORGET TO BREATHE!" Purple shouted.

"ILL TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN!" Red promised.

Renym rolled her eyes and backhanded both of them. "SHUT UP! I'M TEACHING YOU A LESSON HERE!"

She continued the procedure, throwing two cocaine-induced sodas out the airlock at a time. Just to fully torture the two leaders. The process took forever, considering there was, like, 600 sodas or so.

Once Renym was down to 550, though, she just began throwing them out by the armful. This surprisingly made the Tallest scream MORE, and Renym wished she had though of it earlier. After she was down to 450, she had to hire some Navigators to help her dump the sodas. Every couple of minutes, Renym's impatience gave way and she would hire more Navigators.

Once the long, grueling process was over, and the Tallest had stopped crying for their Coke, they were somewhat back to themselves.

They sat back down in their chairs, quite exhausted from crying their heads off. Renym returned to her corner, chewing her straw. Everything seemed peaceful until Renym heard a revolting slurping sound.

She looked up only see Purple drinking from a red and white Coca-Cola can. Red saw it and asked, "Hey, can I have one?"

Purple nodded. "Yeah, we got a whole stash over there. There's like, 1,000 of em."

As Red went over the huge second cuboard, Renym's eyes grew wide. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

**A/N:**

**I'm doing another one of these? Damn, I need therapy.**

**Anyways, BACKGROUND INFO!**

**The Tallest had STOLEN all the old-recipe Cokes in the universe a LOOONG time ago, causing Coca-Cola to come up with a new recipe since cocaine was now banned.**

**Red and Purple lost the secret stash, but a few hours before the setting of this chapter had started, they found it and started drinking up on the cocaine. You know that if the Talkest found a stash of 600 sodas, they would drink them. And fast.**

**Yes, I know, high people don't actually act like this. The only explanation I have is that they are NOT people, they are Irkens, and the cocaine has different, much weirder affects on them than it would a human. So there.**

**This chapter is generally why I rated this thing T. Sorry if I may have completely changed your views and opinions on the Tallest. **

**NOW GET ME A THERAPIST!**


	6. ADHD is Never Fun

LWL 6

A/N: Im attempting to write a shorter authors note. My therapist has been very kind to me.

Wellll, I WANT REVIEWS. DX

Purple has always been my favorite character in IZ, and I just realized I've accidently been using him a little more than Red in this story. Sorry about that, Red fans. Red is still pretty freekin awesome, too.

Sorry, but this chapter revolves around Purple a bit more than it does Red. I promise I'll squeeze a Red chapter in here eventually. But I couldn't help myself on this one. It's pretty weird, just a warning. This story was never meant to be a realistic thing. Its all just a joke making the Tallest look bad. XD I love you two from the deepest depths of my squeedlyspooch, but seriously, THIS IS FUN.

*whispers to therapist* Hey? Was that short enough?

Therapist *yells*: NO!

Chapter 6: ADHD is Never Fun

Renym sat in her usual corner, chewing on her usual straw, watching Red and Purple, as usual.

Purple seemed a little more fidgety today. Red sipped some Sprite, which greatly relieved Renym. It had taken a whole day to throw 1,600 cans of old recipe Coca-Cola out the airlock. And jeez, were her arms TIRED.

Purple's arm twitched uncontrollably. Red stared at it for a second, looking a little more than worried, then went back to sipping his Sprite nervously.

Then, to Renym's great surprise, Purple got up and threw his donut away. He hadn't even taken a nibble out of it. When Red saw him do this, that little-more-than-worried expression came back to his face again.

"PURPLE! WHY'D YOU THROW AWAY THAT DONUT!"

He shrugged. "I didn't want it."

"BUT IT HAD YOUR ADHD MEDICATIONS IN IT!" Red screamed while flailing his arms around.

Purple's eyes grew wide. "I have ADHD?"

Renym chuckled. "YES!" Red shouted.

"What's ADHD?"

Red sighed. "Attention... Attention whatever Hyper-Active Disorder."

"The only thing I understood was the 'whatever' part." Purple's face lit up. "So I take medication? WOW, I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT!"

"Purple, ADHD means you're HYPER. You're very hyper, Purple."

"WOOHOO!" Purple threw his arms in the air and ran in a circle.

"Well, at least when you don't take your meds." Red rose an eyebrow when Purple tripped over his own legs, fell on his face, then got back up again.

"I LIEK POOPCURN!" Purple squealed.

Renym went over there to assess the situation, barely holding in her laughs. "Excuse me, my Tallest Red, but can't you just sneak some more meds into some popcorn or something?"

Red stared down at her. "Those pills are VERY expensive. They cost a lot of monies."

"You're the freeking Tallest. First, your rich. Second, can't you just threaten to throw someone out the airlock if they don't give you his meds for free?"

Red thought about it for a moment. "You have a very good point there, Renymph."

She chewed on her straw. "My name is Renym."

"Whatever. Go get me some popcorn, Renymph. And don't threaten any Navigators this time. They need to navigate... Or whatever."

Renym frowned. She was really looking forward to her daily threats. This would be the first time in a LOOONG time she had gone without threatening anybody. She did it as a smeet, as a slave driver, and as an advisor. She loved her threats.

Renym obeyed her leader and walked out to the hallway. She sulked along, stopping at the snack compartment. She asked the Irkens there for some popcorn, which they gave her. She walked in a melancholy sort of way toward the main chamber, mumbling to herself about how she had to do all the DUMB work and how DUMB it was for DUMB Red to make her get DUMB popcorn instead of the STUPID Navigators.

She walked back inside the main chamber, almost dropping the popcorn. Purple was calmly sitting his chair now instead of screaming and running in circles. *Okay,* Renym thought to herself.

Red was digging through a drawer underneath the control panels of the Massive. He was murmuring gibberish to himself, probably not even knowing what he was saying himself.

Renym approached him cautiously, knowing that he was pretty pissed off at the moment. "Red?"

Red whipped around, a terrified look in his eyes. "ITS NOT MY FAULT!" he screamed. Then his eyes softened. "Oh. You... You got the popcorn?"

"Um... Yeah." She held the popcorn out to him. "Here."

His ruby eyes blinked gratitude. "Thanks." He grabbed the popcorn and set it on the floor next to him, then returned shuffling through the drawer and mumbling to himself.

Renym backed away slowly, a little creeped out. "Yah... I'm just gonna..." She ran to her corner with wide eyes, chewing on her straw vigorously. Red's gibberish was definitely NOT Irken, and Renym had no idea he spoke any other language.

Meanwhile, Purple was slowly spinning in his chair, just cuz the chairs could do that. Renym rose an eyebrow in confusion. "Re-e-ed? Can I ask you a question?" Purple asked.

Red rose his head, frowning. "Yeah. sure."

"Why do YOU hide my meds?"

Red lowered his head again, resuming his search for... Whatever it was he was searching for. "Who said I put them in your donuts?"

"Er... Um..."

"That one Navigator does it... What's her name... Ummm..." Red looked around at the Navigators. "Dammit! You guys all look the same! WHO SNEAKS PURPLES MEDS IN HIS DONUTS?"

All the Navigators exchanged glances, seeing who would speak up. Not one Irken did. "C'mon! Where are you? Her eyes were... Her eyes were blue, kind of like Nymph-worm's."

"My name is Renym."

"SILENCE!" Red was starting to get a little nervous and shaky. "WHERE IS SHE?"

Now everyone in the room was worried. Except Renym, of course.

Renym was very hard to worry.

Suddenly, Red shot up. "What the Irk? She couldn't have just DISAPPEARED! She had your meds!" He dashed around the room, searching every blue-eyed Navigator and thoroughly creeping them out. "WHERE IS SHE? I CANT LIVE WITH A HYPERACTIVE PURPLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!"

Renym sighed a very un-worried sigh. She calmly walked out of the room and into the hallways. She turned 5 lefts, 3 rights, another left, then kept going straight. She satisfyingly threatened a couple Irkens, until she finally found one that could give her directions to where the hell she could get Purple's ADHD meds.

She arrived at a room painted white with a single silver stripe going around it. All there was was an Irken behind a countertop, which scared Renym a little.

She slowly walked up to the countertop. The Irken looked down at her. She frowned sternly and prepared a threat. "Give. Me. The. Meds."

Not her best threat, she had to admit, but it should work well enough anyways. The Irken's ugly green eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth for a second, about to throw back a nasty retort, but then he noticed something about Renym and nodded. He left the desk for a second, retrieved a bottle, and gave it to her. "Thank you for coming, Advisor."

*What the hell?* Renym thought while she walked away. *That was too easy!* When she was getting closer the main cabin, she perked up. *Wait a second... How did he know I was an advisor?* She kept pondering it the rest of the walk there, getting very close to concluding she had a pediatrician stalking her. Then she realized it was the PAK on her chest! She smacked herself a couple times, embarrassed for being so dumb.

She entered again. Red's eyes were bloodshot with terror and he pulled on his antennae. He shook with fear and sat in a corner. RENYM'S CORNER. Renym would've kicked him out, but now wasn't a good time. Purple was freaking out, man. And Red... Red wasn't so swell either.

Purple was running in circles and screaming again. But this time, the screams made no sense. They were like the blabbering mouths of crazy Jonas Brothers fangirls when Nick Jonas "Looks Them in The Eyes." Not as high pitched, but just as insane.

Red looked up at Renym and he shot up immediately. "Nymph! What be there in yer hand?"

Renym didn't even bother correcting him on her name anymore. She just walked up to the crazy leader and handed him the bottle. He read the text on it and jumped for joy. But because he was currently in the most insane state possible, he threw the medication at Purple's head, screeching at the top of his lungs, "HYPER PURPLE BE NO MORE!"

Renym was seriously scared and could say nothing. These last few days were the most... CRAZY... days of her life. And she certainly hoped they were the craziest of the Tallest's lives too, because if they weren't... She couldn't imagine what was.

A/N: Could I ask everyone a short favor? If you reveiw this, please tell me your favorite chapter so far. I'd like to know if I should do more semi-serious chapters or more crazy, insane, totally weird chapters. Thankies. X3 I'd appreciate it.

Oh, and ADHD people, please don't be offended. I have ADHD too. And seriously... You and I both know that when you're off your meds you DO have urges to run around in circles screaming. Once my friend had to lock me in a closet because I had drank some Dr. Pepper and was hyper beyond belief. So don't be offended. I understand ADHD.

Hehehehe, I love messing with the Tallest. Sorry for jacking up your characters, Jhonen, I love yew. 3


	7. I'm Shakin' my Fist!

A/N: I have an assignment for y'all. Go to your refrigerator. NOW. Now grab a juice box, juice pouch, or anything with a straw in a cute little package stuck to the side of it. DRINK the fucking JUICE! Now chew on the straw, I SAY! That's right! Savor it! SAVOR IT, GOD DAMMIT! Join my army of horrible straw-chewing demons! Population: Two...

You will be addicted to straws for life. Comment about your straw chewing experience below so that I know how much my army has grown. Thank you for joining my armada of straw-chewers.

Sorry, I've been reading too much JTHM.

This chapter took a long time. I apologize for my procrastinating. Procrastinating is just how I roll. "Ehhh, I'll do it tomorrow."

This chapter was written in a hurry against my will by a rambling fan demanding for more of my hilarious spoofing of Invader Zim on iScribble. Here you go, shitpotted-hoebag. Just kidding. I love you.

Really, though, I'm so, very, truly sorry. ;3;

Chapter 7

I'm Shakin' My Fist!

Zim stomped around his base, not completely sure of what to do. No. That was a LIE. LIES! Zim knew EXACTLY what to do! He just had to think of exactly what he was doing first! It would come to him, all right.

It was verrry hard to think, though, with the incessant smacking lips of GIR eating tuna and the continuous buzzing of computers. Zim looked up on his latest plan. The Tallest had loved it so much that they were SPEECHLESS. Why, Tallest Red's jaw had even dropped to the ground!

But there was one thing that confused Zim. After that INCOMPETENT FOOL of an advisor pushed the pummel button, The Tallest had promised Zim a very strong weapon. But it had been SIX LONG EARTH DAYS, and the weapon had still not come. All he got was a sandwich. A plooka sandwich. And Zim didn't even LIKE plooka.

"Well, GIR..." Zim sighed. "I think The Tallest were too busy talking about my INGENIOUS plan to remember to send my weapon over."

"TUUUUUUNAAAAA!"

"GIR! PAY ATTENTION!"

GIR looked up from his tuna, blinking to show his attention was there. Zim continued. "I NEED you to watch and make sure the room temperature doesn't goes below EIGHTY DEGREES, okay GIR?" GIR went back to eating his tuna. "I don't want THIS plan to turn out like the last one. My genious brain didn't like that very much."

"Okeeeeeeey," GIR replied, not paying attention anymore.

"Good. Now I need to go upstairs and check the temperature up there."

"I LEIK ME SOME TOONAH!"

Renym flitted around the Massive's main chamber, eyes peeled. The Navigators stared, but ohhhhh, she didn't care what THEY thought. No, they were just complete IDIOTS, was what they were.

The Tallest were out doing "Tall stuff" again, as Red had told her. And Renym was left with alone with the DUMB Navigators, and in dire need of a straw. If she didn't get a straw soon, AAALL her rational thoughts would come to an end. And that would NOT be good.

She could go a day without a straw. But any more than 24 hours was torture. And it had been FORTY HOURS of TORTURE.

While Renym continued to search every corner of the Massive, The Tallest strolled in, sodas in hand. Renym whipped around, eyes wide with insanity. Purple blinked at her. "What's up with YOU?"

She straightened up and coughed a little. "I was just... looking for a straw."

Red and Purple exchanged a glance. "Um, okay," Red said. "You could use mine when I'm done, I guess."

"Thanks Red," Renym replied, smiling widely.

"Hey, Renym?" Purple piped up.

"What?"

"You don't say 'My Tallest.'"

Renym rolled her eyes. "Oh, so what? Do you two really care?"

"Well, we are your superior leaders," he pointed out.

"Yeah, whatever. That stuff is just a bunch of crap," she retorted, eagerly waiting for her straw.

Red sipped his soda. "We can fire you, ya know."

"Or throw you out the airlock," Purple added with a frown.

"So? Just cuz you can doesn't mean you will. I can murder you right here on the spot, but lucky for you, I won't."

"You're crazy."

Suddenly, one of the Navigators shouted out, "Incoming transmission from Earth, sirs!"

"Speaking of crazy," Red muttered and sucked on his straw.

As Red and Purple made their way to their chairs, Zim's face cleared up on the screen. "MY TALLEST!"

"What do you WANT, Zim?" Red spat, annoyed by his voice already.

"I have a new ingenious plan."

"That's wonderful," Purple replied sarcastically.

"And I was wondering if you could visit Earth and check it out."

Red and Purple began to freak out. "Woah, no no no no!"

"This is NOT turning out like last time!"

Zim cocked his head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"Um... Er... OH JEEZ WE'RE BEING ATTACKED AGAIN HERE WE GO!" Red shoved Purple, but this time the lavender leader was prepared and regained his balance. While the two simulated an attack, Renym signaled for the Navigators to sign off.

Red and Purple immediately straightened up, laughing. "Haha, another plan. Now I'm a little curious to see how STUPID it is!" Red sneered.

"Will he EVER leave us alone?" Purple sighed. "I just wanna move on with my life, ya know?" The two leaned back in their chairs and each took a big sip of their soda.

"NYMPH!" Red called. "Here's my straw." Renym grinned even wider and stumbled excitedly over to her leader, full of giggles. She eagerly took the straw and shoved it in her mouth. "Jeez," Red commented. "Addicted, much?"

"Don't even GO there, Mr. Coca-Cola," Renym snapped.

"Heeyyy!" Purple whined. "If he's Mr. Coca-Cola, what am I?"

Renym chewed on her straw vigorously. "Um... Mr... Mr. Purple, I don't know!"

"That's a LAME name," Purple replied.

"That's YOUR name, you idiot!" Red said.

Purple paused and thought about it a moment. "... So it is."

"Weeeell, thanks for the straw, Red," Renym told him and skipped away.

"Wow, she really does think the 'My Tallest' thing is a bunch of crap." Purple said to Red, surprised. "I thought she was joking."

"Just letting you know, Purple, but Nymph-worm wouldn't joke about that."

"I HEARD THAT!" Renym shouted accusingly, hearing Red call her "Nymph-worm" again.

"Oh, whatever!" Red replied. "You call us disrespectful names, I call you a worm. Deal with it."

Renym pouted. "I'm just calling you by your REAL names. I prefer you call me by mine, too."

"Well maybe we don't LIKE our real names! Isn't that right, Purple?"

"Yeah, Red."

"See? Purple doesn't like being called his real name either."

"Yeah, Red has a point there."

Renym smacked her forehead and ignored them. She just glumly chewed her straw and looked at the floor, feeling a little offended and very pissed off. Even though they were her leaders, they had problems. Lots of them.

She didn't feel the need to call them by their formal names. Despite the fact that she was basically their slave, she thought that they all had a close-to-friendly enough relationship to at least call each other by their REAL names.

Well, she understood that Red wouldn't admit to being friends with anybody and would probably be calling her "Nymph" for the rest of her life, but whatever. He can stick to that if he wants. But Purple could accept being called by his real name... Or at least, she thought.

Well, screw that. Renym chewed on her straw angrily. She guessed that the formal names and slave-like treatment would never leave the room.

But if she called them by their formal names, she would remain their servant forever. They would never change how they treated her. It would be a living hell.

She slumped down on the wall, feeling defeated.

No matter what she did, she would always be their advisor. There was no way out of it. Calling Purple "Purple" and calling Red "Red" would just simply annoy the crap out of them until they finally started to ignore it.

So whatever. It should all work out eventually. She won't call them "My Tallest" if it depended on her life. She refused to give in. She didn't care if they threw her out the airlock like they always threathened to. She wasn't a Screwhead. She wasn't going to call her superiors her masters.

"Nymph!" Red called.

"What?" Renym's antennae twitched in annoyance.

"Sorry."

Renym looked up, bubbly eyed. She hauled herself to her feet and stared at her leader.

"Me and Purple were talking...," Red mumbled to her. "I guess you could-"

"Sirs, there's an incoming transmission from... From Zim's ship."

Red and Purple whipped around. "What? How?" Purple screeched.

Red waved his hand. "Put him on, I guess."

"Yes, sir."

There was a silence as an image cleared on the screen. "Okay, Zim, what now?" Red snorted.

"My Tallest! I was driving my sh-"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Purple cut him off and pointed a scrawny finger at the screen. "Who is THAT?"

A skinny, blue-eyed female Irken was crouched behind Zim, shivering with fear. "Let me finish my story, please, My Taaallest," he replied eagerly. "I was driving my ship toward the Massive when I-"

"YOU WERE FLYING TOWARD THE MASSIVE?" Red shrieked. "Why were you doing THAT?"

"When I found this PUUUNY Navigator floating in space. I picked-"

"WHY IN THE NAME OF IRK DID YOU LEAVE EARTH?" Purple screamed.

Renym chuckled as Zim kept going. "I picked her up! She looked scared. I saved her! Aren't you so proud?"

"NO!" Red and Purple yelled simultaneously.

"Wh-what?" he stuttered. "Why are you not proud of ZIIIIM?"

Red rubbed the sides of his head. "Did you get that WEAPON yet?"

Zim shook his head. "Actually, no. that's why I was coming to the Massive to pick it up."

"NO, Zim, your pummel-"

"Your WEAPON isn't here," Red cut off his co-leader.

"Okay. I'll just drop off this FEMALE I found then."

Red and Purple began freaking out as Zim signed off. "OH IRK NO!" Purple screeched and ran in circles. "HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING! WE'RE ALL GUNNA DIE!"

Red was on the ground, kicking and screaming and pounding his fist on the floor like a smeet. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US ZIM? WHYYY-HYY-HYY?"

While her leaders threw a temper tantrum, Renym walked calmly over to them and poked Red.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL DOOM DO YOU WANT?"

Renym blinked and tilted her head to the side. "I would like to remind you that I, your advisor, am here when you need me."

Purple held his head in his hands and spun in place. "Huh? Us? Need YOU? That's... That's... REEHEEEHEEDUCCHEWLOUS!"

Red got up in a panic and went face-to-face with a Navigator. "TURN THE SHIP AROUND! TURN IT AROOOOUND!"

"YES MA'AM!"

The ship lurched to the side and donuts went flying. Renym screeched as her straw flew out of her mouth. "YOU IDIOTIC NAVIGATOR!"

Renym grabbed the Navigator by the cuff and growled. Suddenly, the ship rocked and Irkens flew across the main chamber. "WHAT'S HAPPENING?" Purple screeched.

A/N: This chapter defies all logic and stops abruptly. That's just me, folks. Defying logic and such.


End file.
